Thursday, April 23, 2009

Extra Soup, Dirty Language, Cops and Gum

B is sitting here with Power Woman with a few additional (lesser known) details concerning the past two lunch events.

1. At Claim Jumper our server attempted to strong arm Power Womon to gain control of an extra cup of potato cheddar soup. PW attempted to charm our obviously un-interested server into letting her keep the extra soup, however he did not relent. Of course the Birdkiller got involved, since the extra cup of soup would potentially be free, however the server stood firm. He's wasted at Claim Jumper, he should be working at the US mint.

2. Birdkiller kept using inappropriate language at our Simply Thai lunch. Poo-poo, pee-pee, chi-chi, tee-tee, whoo-ha. Stop with the baby talk BK! The BK would also like all pregnant women to turn their car's air bags off. It's apparently very dangerous. Who knew BK is gunning to be the new Dr. Spock?

3. During the CeFiore "Cops" incident, I swear that the female was mad at the male due to his laughter at her ordering "soup", not Fro-yo. Where the hell did she order soup?

4. Gum mysteriously appeared on PWs car floor mat today. PW blames B, however, B and everyone else knows that gum doesn't stick to Cole Haan shoes.

5. The one question that will leave everyone hanging on until next time, "Did PW throw away her leftover Pineapple Fried Rice, or will she "eat it" later"? hmmmmmmmm?

The Fro-yo Incident

It's the second day in a row that B, Power Womon, Bird Killer and I all had lunch together. This time we all met at Simply Thai for some bomb-diggity Simply Thai Noodles.

B and I were surprised that the PW even wanted to go to Thai, everyone knows that the Power Womon only eats small amounts of meat and fruit from places like Red Robin. But she agreed to go, and even drove us there. It was a big step for PW, and we were proud.

B and I are always trying to encourage PW to try new foods. Today, she ordered the chicken and pineapple fried rice (note: meat and fruit), and when it arrived, she spent a good 5 minutes moving all the ingredients around on the plate, sifting through the vegetables, rice and egg for those bits of meat and fruit. She looked at a sweat pea pod and asked:

"What is this, edamame?"
B said, "No, it's a pea pod - try it, you'll like it."
PW cautiously licked the side of the pod, carefully bit it in two, chewed, chewed, and then proclaimed: "It tastes like dirt."

"What's this?"
"It's fried egg - try it, you'll like it." I said. She put it in her mouth and chewed thoughtfully. After a few seconds she said, "Oh, delicious, crunchy egg." Obviously, PW is not an egg fan either.

Well, you can't blame us for trying.

Still, PW managed to make a big dent in her fried rice. B an I both felt pride - we were helping her expand her culinary horizons, but when the waitress came to box up PW's half-eaten dish, her shame was revealed... lying under her plate, smooshed into the placemat were bits of discarded vegetables and egg. I suspect she asked for a box just so she could secretly throw the rest of it away when she got back to her underground lair.

Afterwards, we shook off the BK and went to ceFiore for some fro-yo where we saw a couple having a ginormous fight over something about how he laughed at her when she was trying to order her fro-yo.

The fight spilled out into the parking lot: she chucked her cup of fro-yo at him, tried to slam the door of his Chrysler Sebring on him, and then marched off across the parking lot while he ran after her screaming "WHY?"

Really, why waste all that delicious fro-yo for a guy who drives such a lame car?

Food: 5/5, though if PW were scoring this, she would rate it a fake 5/5 (we're onto you, PW)
Atmosphere: 3/5 (minus points for the BK tagging along everywhere we go lately)
Good times: 4/5 (minus one point for and a wasted fro-yo lying on the sidewalk)

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


What the heck? Apparently, my mobile posts aren't working... what I was trying to say was -

"We are on our way to Claim Jumper for a Power Womon celebration, sitting in the back seat - it's me, PW and the Bird Killer. Each left-hand turn gets a CORNER! and the opportunity to squish the BK. Good times: 5/5 so far!"

Lunch at Claim Jumper took a very loooong time. It took us 45 minutes to get food, and when it came, it was just okay. The waiter was mostly hands-off and during the 90 minutes we were there - he came by maybe 4 times - and 2 of those were to either get or bring our order.

For dessert PW ordered a chocolate chip calzone and graciously shared it with the table. Even though it was so undercooked that PW was nearly able to blow a bubble with the raw, doughy center, it was still pretty good.

The highlight - PW confronting the BK about him spreading rumors about her sexuality. The lowlight - reading the calorie content of all the dishes at the Claim Jumper... yikes.

Food: 3/5
Atmosphere: 5/5 (extra points for a crowded car ride where I got to squish the BK)
Goodtimes: 3/5 (minus 2 points for terrible service)
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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

She's the DJ, not the Wrapper

Because some idiot scheduled J and I in a 12:30pm meeting, we were forced into an hourly worker's lunch today. And because J can't eat at TDM (one of the best, fastest lunches in town) without becoming violently ill, we hit up the Pita Pit.

Today the Pit was on backward. The Frau was not at the register - - she was rolling pitas. And the guy who is usually rolling pitas - - was at the register. It had the same kind of feeling as putting your underwear on inside out by mistake (or on purpose - I'm not going to judge you).

The roller - with his one job - couldn't call out the orders properly - chickenCeSAR! was more like CHICKEN-cesar. And the Frau cannot (and should not) roll a decent pita to save her life. All the "honey" and "sweetie" in the world only creates an awkward diversion as she drowns your hummus pita in Dijon mustard, it doesn't make it any sweeter to eat. And while the she's busy distracting you with pet names, she's murdering the wrap job on your pita - I saw one freshly wrapped pita that looked like it was slowly exploding out onto its owner's sleeve (luckily, not mine).

All in all - it was still good, albeit - messy, and my tummy is still burning from all that mustard, but at least I feel like the Frau loves me - it's filling that DeDe-shaped hole in my heart that Blue C made.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Christmas in April

B moved one step closer to the grave
over the weekend, so the T2 crew decided to push him over the edge by clogging his arteries with fried food today. The chosen venue for this cholesterol-fest was Elliott Bay Brewing Company in Burien, an establishment raved about by B & R, but one never before frequented by J. The posse was joined by special guest diner, The Chef, who was rocking a totally cute new short haircut.
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J first started to suspect the veracity of the claims of culinary delirium by R & B when they pulled into a strip mall parking lot full of stores with the names like La Preciosa, and a travel agency with a window full of scary carousel horses and a fully decorated Christmas tree. Despite these misgivings, J gamely soldiered on, and entered the restaurant.

EBBC is austere in appearance, decorated with lots of square furniture and sharp corners. The dining room is dark and the tables are oddly arranged with some sort of weird seperation dividing the senior citizens from the regular diners. The walls are festooned with a series of vaguely racist paintings of kerchief-wearing mammies throwing their hands up in dispair, as if they are trying desperately to return to the label of the syrup bottle they accidentally stepped out of.

The waitstaff was surly and many looked to be involved in the King County work release program. Our server managed to put on airs, an impressive feat when wearing a stained t-shirt two sizes too small, size 18 hot pants, and a smelly bar rag wrapped around your waist. J made an enemy when he discovered that the iced tea had an unpleasant and unadvertised "passion flower" flavor, as if someone spilled a sample bottle of Jean Nate in it, and sent it back in favor of a Diet Coke. When he wasn't ready to order when the server was ready to write it down, she dropped all appearance of pleasantry, and spent the rest of the meal staying away from the table or bringing food in petulant silence. Despite her haughtiness, J was wearing Prada, so he still felt superior.

The food at EBBC sounded unique, but was all pretty standard bar fare. J cannot abide the flavor or beer, and scanned the menu vainly searching for an item that didn't feature ale sauce, beer batter, or stout ice cream (sad horns). The posse decided upon a giant pretzel appetizer, which was larger than a human head, but sadly dry and flavorless. Most of the crew pronounced it delicious, but J suspects they were seduced by its girth. Nonetheless, it was edible, which was the name of the game for all the food consumed. R had her standard tuna tacos that drip some sort of creamy sauce when she bites into them (apparently this food item is on every menu of every Seattle restaurant), J had chicken strips from a bag (one of the few non-beer tainted items) served with tasty ranch dressing, B had a mound of fried fish that will be sure to keep him at the gym for days, and The Chef had a giant mushroom on a bun. While nothing was earthshatteringly delicious, you can't go wrong with fried food, so there weren't many leftovers.

Conversation over dinner was lively and quick-witted, much of it focusing on the unpleasant nature of the server, and the exciting prospect of what logo to use on the forthcoming T2 business cards. While EBBC was not the Shangri-La promised to J, it had passable bar food and dark corners, and a good time was had by all.

Food 2.5/5
Atmosphere 2/5
Waitstaff Fashion Sense 0/5
Good Times 4/5

A belated happy birthday to B!

Bigger than The Chef's Head

Happy Birthday, B!

For B's birthday, T2 and The Chef took a trip up to Burien for the best Burien find: Elliot Bay Brewing Company.

B spotted a giant Bavarian pretzel on the menu for which his heart was hungry, so we ordered it. When I was thinking giant pretzel, I pictured a pretzel about the size of a dinner plate. Instead - it was bigger than The Chef's head - really.

Very tasty and well worth the $6.95, though a note to EBBC - we'd like to see more of a sauce selection - - maybe butter and/or honey?

The service was below par - our waitress surprised us with passion fruit scented iced tea (J made an enemy in her when he demanded that she take it back and replace it with a diet soda). And as far as atmosphere goes - it's usually a fine place, but today there were paintings on the wall that J deemed racist - I suppose he'll have to say why exactly, but my guess was that the people depicted looked like they had been objectified for the artist's personal glory. But go see for yourself.

Other Burien finds: over-ripe bananas, a transsexual hooker, and a legal pot sale (thanks to The Chef for the photo).
Food: 5/5
Atmosphere: 3/5 (minus 2 points for seemingly racist art and a crotchety server)
Goodtimes: 5/5 (always an instant 5 when The Chef joins us)

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

T2 - Now with Taco Queen!

I really thought B was wiping away tears when we realized that the Taco Queen was standing behind the line at the Southcenter Taco Del Mar. Welcome back, Taco Queen. We noticed your court works harder to keep the place in order when you're around.

Side note: it appears my royalty is finally being recognized. The Taco Queen knelt before me and picked up the napkin that had dropped out of my lap. That's right, I'm the Taco Empress... kneel before me!

In other Tukwila news: B had to go to the post office to deliver a package to his grandmother. I've got to say that the Southcenter post office is the worst I've ever been in. If you want to have a depressing lunch hour, hit up the Saddest Subway in America, and then stop by the Saddest Post Office in America - - on tax day.

The worst part came when we were treated to these lovely slacks. Look, even if these pants are on sale, even if they are the last pants in the world, even if you are in your underwear - please don't put them on, we here at T2 beg you.

Food: 5/5 (best when the Taco Queen is there)
Atmosphere: 4/5 (minus a point for the pants)
Goodtimes: 4/5 (minus a point for having to go to the saddest post office in America)


The Tace Queen has come back to us! R and I went to TDM for free taco day. On our way, I used the power of positive thinking and visualized the Taco Queen behind the taco counter, and there she was!

Holiday! Celebrate!

Tax Day Taco!

Happy Tax Day! To celebrate, Taco Del Mar is giving you a free taco (you'll need this coupon). So head out to the Southcenter TDM and get yours.

Be on the look out for R & B, the Psychic Paleontologist, the Taco Queen (hopefully) and her court.

What the Pho rates marginally low

On Tuesday, R, the Birdkiller (yes the Birdkiller) and I went for a lunch adventure to What the Pho in the Southcenter area (close to my favorite spot, Chipotle). The big news here is that the coupon loving, freebie coveting Birdkiller PAID FOR EVERYONE'S LUNCH!

Now that you've recovered from the shock, here's the low down on Pho of Woe.

I thought the place was closed; the windows are so heavily tinted. I thought either a) this spot didn't last long or b) they were hiding something. In fact, they were hiding something, a sophisticated and well designed dining area (which are few and far between in the Southcenter area). We sat in a booth by the bar and watched three Vietnamese coffees s l o w l y dripping simultaneously (sort of the equivalent of watching paint dry).

The menu offers a wide array of options for non-pho lovers (which I am- I'm always worried about chicken feet), many sound highly delightful. The service was efficient and VERY polite(bonus point for atmosphere). The Birdkiller read his potential lunch choices off in Vietnamese and corrected R and me for mispronunciations (no, the Birdkiller does not speak Vietnamese-but he does speak the language of "I am always right").

The Birdkiller ordered some beefy pho and complained that the meat seemed old and frozen. R ordered some sad-ish veggies with noodles, and I ordered grilled chicken with noodles (and an eggroll-hey the Birdkiller was paying). My meal was pleasing to the eye, but flavorless to the tongue. I added a huge amount of chili sauce and hoisin to give my dish a touch of flavor (isn't that the cook's job). The veggies in my dish were just ok, the real offense were the cold (like straight out of a fridge) noodles. They were a little gross and very disappointing.

Next time I want noodles, I'll be going to Simply Thai for their namesake dish.

Food: 2.5/5 The chicken was nicely grilled, the rest of my dish was blah!

Atmosphere: 5/5 Maybe next time we'll get Simply Thai to go and eat it at What the Pho.

Good Times 4/5 Paying Birdkiller and a Target trip afterward always increases the score. Thanks R for driving.

Friday, April 10, 2009

J Asked For It

J wrote me first thing this morning and said that he was up for an adventure - well, he asked for it - read on.

When I think lunchtime adventure - I think: not Tukwila. And then usually the first place to come to mind is Luna Park - the food is excellent, so is the service and it's only 10 minutes north of the Compound.

We invited the Chef out to meet us - I had breakfast, the Chef had a patty melt, and J gave into temptation - devoured a butterscotch milkshake and washed it down with a egg-topped burger. Today, the fries were so good, I distracted the Chef with Popples (lunch box hanging in the top-right corner of this photo) while I gobbled up some of hers.

Afterwards, I had to run to the bank to deposit a check, so we headed up the hill to the WaMu on California. I know that WaMu is the walking the Green Mile, but you would think that with the power of a bank like Chase, they could spruce the place up a bit. That WaMu has got to be the saddest WaMu in Seattle - they've taken an already austere interior, painted it beige and removed all evidence of that WaMu WooHoo from the lobby. [Side note for those thinking of repainting - beige really brings out the shine of bullet-proof plastic] Anyway, it's been sad to see the assimilation take place. I'll miss that WooHoo feeling.

Next, we went into Next to Nature to get my dog a dried animal tendon to chew on. Even though the fries at LP were the best ever (weird segue, sorry), this little pit stop was the highlight of my afternoon - I got to watch J snatch this sticker off of a stuffed animal dog toy.

Notice the rat-type fur stuck to the label? Apparently, J had to give that sticker one heckuva yank to steal it. My mission for the next few weeks is to figure out where to buy these in bulk - I love it and want t-shirts, buttons and bumper stickers.

Speaking of fixation, the highlight of the afternoon was quickly followed by the lowlight. After the best merge on top of a big, stupid you-should-really-be-on-a-farm, what-are-you-doing-in-the-city, pick-up truck (it was one of those battles of the will-type merges - I should have been given a medal), the driver of said truck was infuriated and began honking at us - J turned around and gave him the finger (naturally), and in return the guy honked his horn some more.

Well, we must have drove in front of this guy for about a mile and a half. I had already forgotten about the incident, and pulled into the left lane to turn, and the guy drove up along the side of us and managed to sputter out a very sad, little loogie on J's window. I mean - really, my 5 year old niece produces more phlegm than that.

Too bad the window wasn't rolled down, I would have enjoyed watching J kick his ass. Sorry, J.

We just started laughing - I mean, what a ridiculous jerk. But thing is, I've been trying to see how long I can go without washing Joan Jetta (it's been about 3 months - think of all the water I've conserved!), but no way could I live with spit, so we stopped at the closest car wash and scrubbed up.

Overall, we had a good adventure it gave me something to write about. But Mister Aggro, if you're reading this - you owe Mother Earth 50 gallons of water, jerk.

Food: 5/5
Atmosphere: 2/5 (considering sad WaMu and having to drive for 5 minutes while watching spit run down the side of the window - the two points is for the kitchy atmosphere of Luna Park)
Goodtimes: 5/5 (you ask for adventure, you get is - heck yes)

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Land of the Irregular

What the heck happened to the landscape at Azteca? All of the trees that surround it, no longer have branches - just stubs. Weird.

J thinks it may be some attempt at making it look like a more authentic Mexican restaurant, by bringing the Mexican landscape to you. I'm wondering if they are getting ready to cut all of the trees down in order to plow over Azteca and replace it with another useless bank (like at the mall).

Anyway, for whatever reason Azteca tasted better than ever. I'm going to blame it on the fact that it's been about 6 months since we were last there, since I know in my heart of hearts, Azteca is not usually as good as it seemed today.

I ordered a Macho Burrito, veggie style (I think the macho bit is all its freakishly large size - it was literally falling off the edges of my plate), and J changed things up by ordering a chimicanga instead of his usual chicken taquito plato. He even ordered an iced tea... highly irregular. I'll blame that one on the fact that he's still recovering from being off the mainland for two weeks.

Anyway - good food, weird patrons, strange landscape: welcome to Tukwila, people.

Food: 4/5
Atmosphere: 3/5 (automatic point deduction for a VPL sighting, and the decimated landscape)
Goodtimes: 5/5

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

ACME Bites

On M's suggestion, B and I went to ACME Bowl for lunch today. I had the veggie burger, and B had the Chipotle burger, both were above average for bowling alley fare, and the service was good, but slow. I suspected that our waiter was also the cook, since he would disappear for periods of time into the kitchen, and come out later with trays of food.

While the restaurant was slow (there were only two other tables besides us), the alley was busy with lots of teenagers, single ladies, and divorced fathers with their kids.

There was one family whose mother and father were both such bad bowlers that their three sons, ages 8 - 5 were wiping the alleys with them. One final score was Mom: 60, little Johnny: 75. All I kept thinking was - how embarrassing to be so bad at a sport that even a child is better than you. I mean, even though I myself bowl a 65, at least I don't have some toddler hanging around trying to showing me up!

Anyway - it was a fun adventure, and outside the norm. B and I have decided to dedicate at least one day a week to trying something new, so stay tuned.

Food: 3/5 (minus a point for and over-cooked veggie patty)
Atmosphere: 5/5 (major points for entertainment)
Good times: 4/5 (next time, we'll have to bowl a frame)

Monday, April 6, 2009

Taco Del Mar Friday

R and B ate at Taco Del Mar on Friday, a few things of note:

1) According to the Taco Princess, the Taco Queen has returned- although R and B did not see her on Friday. :( B is going to start eating at TDM every day until he sees the glory of the Queen. R doesn't even remember what the Queen looks like.

2) R has a new code name. The Taco Empress (yes, that trumps the Queen). R is confident she can make any item on the TDM menu at a moment's notice.

3) The Psychic Paleontologist was also at TDM on Friday (the burrito licker). She seemed drained of her normal psychic enthusiasm, B did not witness a single burrito licking incident.

4) R spotted some polka-dotted black and white underwear on a TDM patron. The underwear was not a thong, thank goodness.

5) There's a new man in the TDM house. Very young, very timid, yet unnamed. We'll get back to you on this one.

6) The fish tacos were delicious, as usual.

Food: 5/5

Atmosphere: 4/5 (The reappearance of the Psychic Paleontologist was a bonus, knowing the Taco Queen is back, but not seeing her -1 deduction)

Good times: 5/5 Whenever R sees underwear, it's an automatic 5!