Friday, December 19, 2008

Tummy Tukwila Top Moments

I'm snowed in and am dreaming of eating out, even in Tukwila (it's the cabin fever). Here's my personal countdown of the Top Tummy Tukwila Moments of 2008.

Drum Roll.......

#5. No more Sushi Land! Southcenter Mall reopens complete with a Blue C Sushi. Blue C is the Tummy Tukwila lunch savior. Blue C (and DeDe)....we love you!

#4. The Psychic Paleontologist at Taco Del Mar. R and I witnessed the unsettling archeological dig at the serving line. This is also the woman who licked her burrito. The downside.....the Taco Queen is MIA. :(

#3. Discovering a safe and natural Yeast Infection Cure. Thanks to the Birdkiller's super reading skills, B and R learn that yogurt at ceFiore is effective in the global fight against deadly (or at least uncomfortable) yeast.

#2. The Trip. After an uneventful food court lunch, R decides to spice things up by unleashing a hip and horrifying tripping detonation. It was like the Energizer Bunny…it went on and on and on......

#1. Southcenter is Slutatious! The ladies of Joeys take the top prize this year. Whether it is slipping "girth" into an ordering conversation, festooning themselves in skimpy black leather and lace or day lighting as waitresses (and moonlighting as pole offenders), the Joeys Jezebels take the cake (and probably will jump out of one too).

Looking forward to 2009! Eat well!!

Friday, December 5, 2008

We DID it!

After identifying the closest Safeway to the office (for the annual food drive competition...and also I hate Safeway, I mean I really hate Safeway ) which happens to be in the joyful town of Burien, R identified a lunch location to build up our shopping energy. Guess what folks...we went somewhere we've never been before....Elliott Bay Brewing Company!

I was quite cautious at first due to the fact that the strip shopping mall in which this establishment is located is like a little Guadalajara in Seattle. I was a cynic and thought, how good could this place be, I mean its next door neighbors are a Mexican herbal shop and a stripper shoe store. To my surprise, the decor, ambiance and food at Elliott Bay are delicious. Our waitress, Freda, was dressed in a cozy hoodie, which normally I disapprove of, however after experiencing the dress code at Joey's I find clothing coverage quite refreshing. I had the fish and chips- the chips portion was addictive and the fish was delicious. The slaw however was below average. R enjoyed her veggie meal and the Birdkiller (yes the Birdkiller was there, I forgot to mention earlier) devoured his cheeseburger. The Birdkiller's exact words were “The bun was toasted very nicely".

After consuming our shopping fuel, we raced off to the Safeway to help feed the hungry- and to burn off a few lunch calories. Overall EBBC is a winner and worthy of another visit.

Food: 4.5/5
Ambience: 5/5 (the wood columns were beautiful)
Good Times: 4/5 (the Birdkiller was quite pleasant today…no killings)
Getting beat at iPhone air hockey: …well you should ask R, I assume a low score here

T2 Goes to Burien

J was out having lunch in George Town with Long Lost Friend, so it was just B, the Bird Killer and I for lunch, and since the Compound's annual Food Drive competition is on, a trip to Safeway was in order.

The only Safeway I know of around here is in Burien - so I figured this was finally my chance to talk the guys into lunching on some amazing pub food at the Elliot Bay Brewing Co. in Burien.

EBBC is a favorite of mine - the one located in West Seattle has always been the place to get a pitcher of Raz-n-Stout when there was any kind of celebrating or lamenting to be had. Last year an EBBC opened in Burien, and I have since been trying to talk B & J into going for lunch. The concern was always that it was in Burien (aka: Rat City) and that it was far away. Today at least B learned otherwise, and a delicious time was had by all.

A low light of the afternoon was the fruit stand 5 doors down from EBBC where over-ripe bananas were stacked up for a quick sale. The smell of them caused B to dry heave and run (he has a very strong dislike for bananas), but the Bird Killer was overjoyed that they were deeply discounted (he loves a good sale).

A highlight? The stripper shoe store - this must be where the girls at Joey's shop.

Food: 5/5
Atmosphere: 5/5 (score extra points for an on-site brewery)
Good times: 4/5 (minus a point for accidentally scoring on myself 4 times during iPhone air hockey)

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

LL Lunching

Thanksgiving is only two days away, so most of my coworkers are already out. And since Southcenter mall is still fresh from its 3rd shoot-out in 10 years - it is the return of the Lonely Lesbian Lunch - safe at my desk in the Compound!

Today's hot water and noodles is flavored with mushrooms. Delicious.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Friday, November 21, 2008

The Boob Booth?

Hi Folks-It's Friday and we've run out of the proverbial "steam" when it comes to creative lunch ideas, so where did we go? Blue C---kidding...Chipotle.

As always, I promised not to order a wonderfully delightful chicken burrito with yum-0 bacon pinto beans, and I finally came through!! I had the fajita burrito bowl. I must say that although I cut out about 350 calories without the tortilla, I missed the wrapping. The burrito "snuggle factor" was missing. Don't get me wrong, the bowl was delicious- but a burrito without a tortilla is like a body without underwear.

Speaking of underwear, J, R and I were lucky enough to sit in the lone booth at the South Center location. The question is- is it a booth or a boob?

I thought all the boobs were at Joey's. :)

Food: 4.5/5
Atmosphere: 5/5 (men in uniform were present)
Boob times: 5/5

Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Jack Shack

We've all been either too busy or too lazy to write about our lunchtime adventures, but know this - we have had lunches - some were fabulous, others were sadly disappointing (Mali Thai) and at least one was down-right scandalous (Joey's). So to make up for the long absence, I'll thrill you with our adventure to:

Joeys (their apostrophe is missing, not mine)...

Even though I was warned, I had to see it for myself. Joey's is Cowboy Ugly and the Pussy Cat Dolls Lounge all rolled into one, great-big southend jack shack. To get the full effect, we sat in the bar where all the waitresses are 1. Former female strippers, 2. Current female strippers, and 3. Really know how to sex up an entree so you'll want to buy it.

At first, I was overcome with the smart, sleek interior design. I felt like I was at The Parker in Palm Springs. The architecture is open and modern, the colors hip, and the booths are sleek. I was so busy ogling the fabulous design that I didn't even see all the girls walking around in leather and lace (Chef - I swear it).

Which brings us to our waitress, we'll call her Paris.

Paris was wearing a black-laced boustia and a pair of skinny, black jeans. She was pretty in the sort of way that all girls working a pole are pretty - distractingly so. When I asked her about the difference between the appetizer fish tacos and the entree fish tacos, she told me that the entree has a lot of girth. As soon as she said it, you could see she regretted it. We weren't her usual type of customer - words like girth were not likely to increase her tip. J, B and I all tried like crazy not to burst out into laughter.

Speaking of girth... the majority of customers at Joey's are single, desperate-looking, cruisey and predatory men who sit at the bar, or alone in a booth - and S T A R E. It was creepy, but if you're the kind of guy (or gal) who is lonely for female attention - Joey's is for you. All the waitresses there are experts at making every lonely-looking customer in the place feel like she's just SO excited to see you!

But don't take it from me - go experience it yourself.

A note about those tacos: they were fan-dam-tastic! I highly recommend them.

Food: 5/5
Atmosphere: 3/5 (minus two for feeling like I was at a high-class Hooters)
Good-times: 5/5 (girth has become the new buzz-word around the office)

Friday, November 7, 2008

Crab with a K and other fun times

On the suggestion of one of our readers: M - J and I hit the all-you-can-eat sushi belt at O Sushi. My first impression: a casino buffet in Reno, Nevada.

Now, the food was pretty good - especially great for those of you who love sushi, but hate raw fish. There were numerous iterations of the California Roll (deep fried, with chicken katsu, with BBQ sauce, with spicy sauce, deep fried with BBQ and spicy sauce, etc.), and very few rolls with raw fish. Since J and I were sitting about 14 down from the beginning of the belt, the people ahead of us were getting the good rolls before us.

J ate many a plate of chicken katsu (one extra plate just to wash down a bad-tasting spicy tuna roll), and also sampled the gamut of California rolls. It was probably the first time in T2 history that J has eaten more sushi than me, though his 6 plates to my 4 were due to the fact that I'm highly allergic to avocado, and nearly every roll had some.

Maybe what was Reno-creepy about O Sushi was the decor: it is strangely different from other decor in the Southcenter area - dark, and even kind of fancy in a 70s sort of way. Or maybe it was the player piano and the mysterious, invisible tambourine? Or maybe it was the oodles customers, who were most likely in Tukwila on business (O Sushi is located in the belly of the I-5 Best Western), bellied up to the sushi belt who couldn't stop staring at us?

Anyway, all you can eat California rolls for $8.95 is a pretty great deal, and since the food was better than Sushi Land, I could see myself there again.

Today B, J, the Bird Killer and myself went to Mali Thai where the food was horribly soggy, the wait staff are no longer hot, and the service was manic. We should probably stick to Simply Thai... We attempted to make it all better with some fro yo at ceFiore, and for a time - it helped.

O Sushi scores:
Food: 3/5
Atmosphere: 3/5
Good times: 2/5 (the staring and bad tuna makes it less fun)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

At Least They're True to Their Advertising

Today J and R were on their own, and in search of a new dining adventure, were (mis)treated to lunch at the brand new IHOP near the Chipotle. In his entire 34 years of existence, J had heretofore avoided ever eating at one of these pancake establishments. Now, sadly, this is no longer true, and he will never be pure again.

The decor of the Westfield Shoppingtown Southcenter IHOP can only best be described as "churchy"--it had that new construction feeling one gets when they go inside one of those weird mega-churches. Everything is bright, sunshiney and yellow, with the exception of the gray industrial grade carpet. An advertisement at the door proclaimed the area a Fruity Crepe Fiesta.

J and R were seated by a young, fruity crepe fresh off the Ioway farm, who has yet to learn that there are way better restaurants to work at than IHOP, and that the kind of fiesta he's looking for only happens on Capitol Hill. He was quickly replaced by our pleasant, yet phony, server who in all likelihood was a slightly malfunctioning robot. As the Fine Young Cannibals crooned from an overhead speaker, J took a gander at the menu, ready to sample some tasty pancakes.

Unfortunately, IHOP has now made the mistake of listing their calorie count and fat content of all their menu items. Some of the pancake dishes topped out at more than 2000 calories, and since J was hoping to skip the gym tonight, he ordered one of the lower calorie items--chicken strips (1280 calories, 16 grams of fat) in its place. The chicken strips turned out to be an appetizer, even though they were served with fries and a slice of Texas toast, so Roboserver asked J if he would like to order an entree as well; he declined. R's order was confusing, and changed approximately 15,000 times before it was actually placed (this was largely Roboserver's fault); J never quite figured out what it was.

IHOP's dining philosophy is starch paired with starch, and served with one to two sides of starch. After a longish wait, the food arrived in all its hellish glory. J's chicken strips were unsightly and surprisingly flavorless, the Texas toast was squishy and salty, the fries were inedible and soft like someone had already had them in their mouth for a little bit (this probably shaved about 400 calories off J's "appetizer"). R's complicated lunch turned out to be two ghoulish eggs staring out of a pool of grease, some reasonably attractive hashbrowns, 6 slices of partially toasted bread, and 2 wilted pumpkin pancakes sitting forlornly on a side plate that was too small. J tasted the pancakes--they were tastyish but sad, and the butter pecan syrup's flavor resembled the butter that comes out of the dispenser at the movie theater. R ate most of her lunch, but her silence suggested its flavor profile wasn't much better than its visage.

The check couldn't come fast enough. All the classiest restaurants make you pay at the counter, and IHOP proudly offers this service, probably because the robots have difficulty making change. R paid the Fruity Crepe on the way out, and the adventuresome duo ran to Starbucks to wash the taste out of their mouths.

Food -1/5
Atmosphere 0/5
Roboserving 2/5
Starch by Volume 5/5

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Best In Tukwila

B and Dede at Blue C SushiToday's blog is dedicated to Dede - the best darned waitress this side of the Mississippi. Dede schleps sushi accoutrements to all the hungry people of Tukwila, Monday - Friday at Blue C Sushi in Tukwila.

A note to others: no one better mess with her patrons - or there will be hell to pay! While waiting to check out, another waiter attempted to "steal" Dede's table - B and I are wishing him well as he recuperates in intensive care, Haborview.

Other than receiving spectacular service, we also received: a mall stalking, an offer to purchase illegal substances at the generic cell phone store, a couple of false signals from the gaydar signal, and an unwelcome, over-zealous sales woman's attention at the Kitchen Store.

Food: 5/5
Entertainment: 5/5
Broken gaydar equipment: 0/5

Monday, October 13, 2008

TDM Goes Green

The Taco Queen is still MIA. Meanwhile, Taco Del Mar has decided to go green! Instead of those #6 plastic enchilada trays, you get cornstarch based plastic which is compostable and biodegrades within 12 days.

Kudos to TDM! And blessings to the Taco Queen, wherever she may be...

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Finger Crusher

Last week B rolled J's fingers up in the car window. This week he dropped the other F-bomb. What's next for our B?

Tune in next week when he amazes all of us with his incredibly smooth pick-up skills.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Lunch Time Can Be Hazardous to Your Health

...and fingers.

Food 3/5
Good times 4/5
Near medical emergencies 0/5

Sunday, September 28, 2008


It's not Tukwila, and it's not a weekday, but I just had to write about it...

While in Phoenix yesterday, my dear friend La Cobra took me to the best Mexican supermarket... ever, Ranch Market. It was much like Seattle's Uwajimaya, with a huge food court, billions of food items that one can only guess at their contents, and a enormous butcher area filled with stacks of red meat, animal body parts - even the occasional animal face.

It really was a wonderland, and La Cobra was a perfect guide to lead me to the section of the market that had about 15 different selections of fruit juice and horchata. After having a horchata and getting lost in the piles of chiles and fresh tortillas, La Cobra and I decided to head out for Mexican food at a place down the road.

The name of it.. can't remember, but the food was delicious and the decor - kitschy. I had the veggie burrito, and La Cobra had enchiladas. We chowed our food while watching the Spanish version of "Epic Movie" and drinking Miller Chills. It was a quintessential Phoenix lunchtime adventure, and that's one of the reasons I so love this city.

Thanks, La Cobra!

Food: 5/5
Good times: 5,000/5

Friday, September 26, 2008

We Should Have Gone to Sizzler

Since B is still out on vacation, and J and I have both had colds this past week, we decided it was a good time to try Old Saigon Pho in Southcenter's industrial park.

I had a dish called "Vegetarian Delight" that was mostly comprised of cabbage and tofu swimming in a sad, watery, half-peppered sauce, floating around a bed of white rice. It was literally, the most depressing thing I've ever eaten.

To make matters worse, it seemed that everything I touched had a sticky film - the salt shaker, the table, the ponzu bottle, the rooster sauce bottle, the backs of the fake flowers on our table, even some of the guests looked sticky.

J had the "give me the cow" beef noodle pho which included a variety of cow bits in a steaming bowl of beef "from the can" broth. He seemed depressed as well. All of this had us wishing we had gone to Sizzler instead.

To make up for all this sadness, a trip to Red Mango was in order. The fro yo with the Golden Grahams helped make up for the sadness of lunch.

Why, oh why can't Pho Than Brothers (best pho in town, hands down) put a location on the southend? It's been terrible trying to find good pho in this area. If anyone has a suggestion - please, let us know.

Food: 0/5
Atmosphere: 0/5
Good times: 2/5 (thanks to J and fro yo)

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Garlic Water: Return of the LL Lunch

While B is on vacation, and J lunches with some lady who usually stands him up (let's call her Little Miss Unreliable Lunch Date, or ULD for short), I decided to stay in, catch up on world news and eat some garlic water for lunch.

Yes, it's the return of the Loneliest Lesbian Lunch: Trader Joe's garlic noodle soup... not nutritious, but semi-delicious anyway.

I hope everyone else is enjoying an exciting lunch today.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Mariah in Tukwila

B had lunch at Joey's with a colleague, MF (making her T2 debut) based on J's previous recommendation. The food was quite good, although a little pricy for lunch (especially in Tukwila). The highlight of the meal was the skinny fries; they are quite skinny and quite delicious.

The other items that were quite skinny (and here, skinny translates into microscopic) were the outfits on the female employees. When I first walked in I thought I was at a strip club and was waiting for dance poles to descend from the ceiling at any minute. I swear it looked like the official Joey's uniform for females was purchased at "Whores R Us". YIKES!

So if you've just been released from prison and haven't seen a woman in years, Joey's is your place. Be sure to bring plenty of one dollar bills.

Food: 3.5/5
Good Times: 4/5
A modicum of dignity and class 1/5

Friday, September 19, 2008

You Can Put Fancy Tape on a Staircase...

...but you're still in Tukwila.

Recently, the Compound replaced the carpet on the back-entrance staircase with this new, rubber-textured flooring. To make us all feel we're in the grand halls of the state capitol, they applied marble-esque tape along the edge (as seen here in this photo).

At first, we all thought they had made a mistake and forgot to glue something down, but then we realized - as always, it was just the poor taste of the Compound's property management company. As weird as it looks, it won't be long before it's covered in filth and blends in with its surroundings.

Speaking of blending... J and I went to Blue C today and everyone in the place looked like everyone else. I surmised that Blue C attracts a certain (high) class of people, J agreed. As usual - DeShawnda served us, and the food was excellent.

Meanwhile, B is downtown hanging out with the Navy. I'm sure his blog will be more interesting than mine.

Food: 5/5
Compound Atmosphere: -5/5
TGIF: 5/5

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The 5 Mexicans You'll Meet in Heaven

Today, while B dined with the Power Womon, J and I ventured out of the Tukwila area for lunch at our favorite Mexican restaurant, Tacos Guaymas
in White Center.

Set in the center of downtown White Center, Guaymas offers authentic Mexican food, a deliciously fresh and interesting salsa bar (complete with limes and pickled radishes), horchata and Telemundo on the TVs that can be found in each of the two dining areas.

Guaymas is perfect for cold, cloudy Seattle days like today. It's definitely on my comfort food list.

Food: 5/5
Atmosphere: 3/5 (minus 2 points for feeling worried that I may end up in the crossfire of a drive-by while dining in White Center)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Jesus Loves Mongolian Food

Adding to B's blog - - I had been to the Mongolian Grill a few years back, and I don't remember hearing Spirit 105.3 (local religious music channel) playing in the background, and definitely don't remember the painting depicting Jesus during one of his famous events on the wall near the cash register. Really... I felt like I was in Utah.

Strange that going to the MGrill has become a religious occassion. Regardless, the food was okay, the service was headed up by a control freak and the atmosphere has seriously gone downhill.

We'll get you for this J.

Food 2/5
Atmosphere 1/5
Bitterness 5/5

Bait and Switch

J cheated on B and R. J reported that he'd be lunching with "another" at the Mongolian Grill in the Target Shopping Plaza (I just made up that name). B and R thought it would be humorous to drop in on the "secret luncheon rendezvous" to both enjoy some Mongolian style food—whatever that is— and to confront the infidelity.

Adding insult to injury, J was not at the grill when B and R arrived. He and the other woman decided to eat at Joey’s at South Center instead.
The Mongolian Grill is very “guy-centric”- R was the only woman there for quite a while. The fill-your-own bowl concept was entertaining, until the sauce making station. Big choices, with little instruction on making the perfect flavor composition. At this point, I just closed my eyes and hoped for the best. The result was slightly above average. The décor was lackluster, almost depressing even with the smiling faces of ancient Mongols painted on the wall. Who knew that camping could make someone so happy? Also, who knew that ancient Mongols had cauliflower, snow peas and water chestnuts to feast upon?

R and B have learned their lesson; never try to secretly tail a colleague to a lunch- you may end up eating at the Mongolian Grill without them.

Food 2.5/5
Controlling Buffet Attendant 1/5
Décor 1/5
Good times 3/5
Going to Joey’s when you say you’re going to the Mongolian Grill- unforgivable

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Joey's--Home of the Double Standard (and the Classy Slut)

Today, J ditched B&R in favor of a special guest lunch star, Long Lost Friend. LLF pulled a fast one, initially selecting some scary Mongolian Grill as our lunch destination, then switching mid-drive to the new Joey's at none other than Westfield Shoppingtown Southcenter (B&R were not happy about LLF's choice--I'm sure there will be more details forthcoming).

Joey's decor is a little overdone for the Southcenter lunch crowd--the place screamed "meat market" to J as soon as he entered the establishment. Satiny hostess stations, silky chairs, and velvety booths festoon the interior (and patio)--they look nice now, but will be totally skanky with ground-in body soil in a year. The "washrooms" were also a little strange. The men's room featured black and white checkered marble, smoked glass stall doors, and a wall-sized photo of a forest with urinals hanging from the trees.

The wait staff was friendly, but awkward. The hostess was shiny and pleasant, as was the server. He was also a bit overeager, saying, "Let me tell you what's good, " and then basically reciting the entire menu to us. He also spent an inordinate amount of time giving J and LLF a long-winded description of heirloom tomatoes when a) they already knew what heirloom tomatoes were and b) they both hate the vile things, whether or not they are the "fine wine of tomatoes" or not.

One final comment on the wait staff--there was a clear double standard here, much more egregious than the Dukes of Earl's Girls fiasco. While all the male servers appeared to be in a uniform--black shirt and black pants--the female servers were wearing their own clothes, all of them slightly slutty in an upscale sort of way.

After all this commentary, one might think this is a scathing review of Joey's, but the service was quick and efficient, and the food quite good. J had a French dip sandwich on a stone ground mustard bun that was delicious and non-greasy, and served with a tasty horseradish sauce that nearly made his sinuses fall out from the heat, and a little silver bowl of shoestring fries that were just a little too salty. The ranch dressing was gross, though. LLF had the Viva (TM) salad, which J did not get a good look at due to vision blockage by the large size of the fried taco shell it was served on--it had chicken and lettuce, and possibly some fruit. LLF pronounced it delectable, and J sneaked a crouton, which he liked.

Again, Joey's was a little pricey for lunch ($34 before tip for two people) and for being stuck on the ass end of Southcenter mall, but they did have a lower priced lunch menu that was pretty good and had something for everyone. Overlooking (or in J's case, looking down on and laughing) the pretension, Joey's is recommended for occasional dining.

After lunch was a quick trip to Nordstrom Rack where LLF looked at women's shoes, and J pretended (poorly) to be interested in women's shoes and Nordstrom Rack, followed by a stop at ceFiore for fro yo (J original with almond, coconut and fruity pebbles, LLF acai berry with mochi and a variety of slimy diced fruit).

Food 4/5 (except the ranch dressing--0/5)
Service 2/5 appearance and schmooze, 3.5/5 for actual service
Atmosphere 3/5 (and falling as the booths get dirtier)
Value 3/5
Good times 5/5

Friday, September 12, 2008

The Belt

"Have You Done the Belt? It's Dangerous!"

We actually heard someone say that as they walked by our booth at Blue C today (sorry Unicorn Pony Dreamcatcher, Sizzler will have to wait for another day).

They were referring to the conveyor belt style delivery of sushi that makes Blue C so great. And yes, it is dangerous: before your done with your first plate of self-served sushi, you're already reaching for the next. Before you know it - you've eaten 9 plates.... ahh, delicious danger!

In other news, J has started carrying his camera case as a murse. A while back, B and J gave me puh-lenty of grief over the Italian leather satchel that I had started carrying around after a trip to Florence a couple of years back - "Hey look everyone, R's carrying a purse!"

Whatev. At least J won't be able to make fun of me anymore... I'm bringing back the Euro-bag!


Thursday, September 11, 2008

Not a Duke of Earl Girl

Not much I can add to J's posting, except that while I really enjoyed my experience at Duke's, I was dismayed by the signs on the bathroom doors: Duke of Earl, and Duke of Earl's Girls (men's and women's bathroom respectively). Funny, but not. Happily, my soup and salad were the best I'd had in a very long time.

Anyway - thanks for the suggestion meilee! Sizzler is next on the list.

Food: 5/5
Atmoshphere: 4/5 (minus one point for sexist signage)

Recommendation Review: Duke's Chowder House

With B allegedly stuck in an unfortunate meeting, it was only R&J who were adventurous enough to take on a fan recommendation dare, and headed for lunch at Duke's Chowder House at Westfield Shoppingtown Southcenter. The anticipation upon entering the mall was palpable...what lay behind those blue doors--untold culinary delights or kitchen nightmares?

R was struck by the decor, proclaiming the establishment "cute," though J, being fussy, was much harder to please. He found the atmosphere to be kitschy, but not unpleasant, and reminscent of the homes of Minnesota where he grew up, full of artfully placed fishing rods and tackle. Noticeably absent were the dead fish mounted on the wall, of which there were none at Duke's. R appreciated the plaid carpet; it made J feel like he was eating on a dog blanket.

The waitstaff there was all female: clean, professionally dressed, and blandly hot in a women's volleyball team sort of way. They were quick to grind fresh pepper on your chowder or to refill your Diet Coke.

Both diners felt they should eat some sort of chowder as a starter, Duke's being a chowder house and all. R chose a wonderful-smelling cioppino, which she prounounced delicious. J echoed these sentiments with his Pernod lobster chowder.

As an entree, R selected a mahi mahi salad, which she enjoyed despite the tuna being overcooked to the point of it resembling steak rather than fish. The salad was full of cabbage and orange slices, and a big honking piece of tuna. J had a baked halibut, stuffed with shrimp and dungeness crab. J is not a fish person, so this was a big departure from his usual diet of red meat, and while it was good, he could have done with out the beurre blanc sauce and the crab shell which nearly took out one of his teeth. He gave points for the original vegetable accompaniment (snow peas), but quickly subtracted them for the ghetto rice pilaf which tasted like it came from a box.

Both diners balked at the price--lunch for two came to $60 before the tip. R&J concluded that Duke's will be a good place in the winter when we want soup, but overall the prices would prevent them from becoming regulars.

J's Review: Duke's Chowder House

Decor: 2/5

Wait staff: 5/5

Food: 3/5

Value: 0/5

Repeatability: 3/5

Good times: 3/5

Spot Us!

R&J will be making an appearance today around 12:45 at Duke's Chowder House at Westfield Shoppingtown Southcenter for a fan recommendation! If you can find us, we'll be signing autographs.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Lunch with The Chef

We had lunch with The Chef today. The Chef is queen of Foodland, and I was more than happy to comply when she requested that we eat at Taco Del Mar.

Of all the delicious choices in the Tukwila area, TDM is possibly one of the tastiest, but of course you, and The Chef know this already.

Speaking of queens: B sleuthed the location of the missing Taco Queen! Apparently, the Taco Queen has been on assignment in Bellevue, and will be returning to Tukwila in just a few more weeks!

Check back on Friday afternoon when we critique Duke's Chowder House at the request of reader "meilee."

Food: 5/5 (of course)
Entertainment: 5/5 (thanks to Chef, and to B for figuring out where the Taco Queen had gone)

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Legends of the Fall - a Haiku

R fell in the air
like a swan out of water
lovely disaster.

You recommend it, we'll decide if it's worth it

Where in Tukwila should the T2 Team eat next?
Give us your suggestion - we'll eat there and blog about it.

Lunchtime Trip

Yikes. There I was, casually walking out of the mall past some construction that was being doing on the floor, and WHAM! I nearly owned the mall.

The tripping seemed to last forever. I remember thinking... when will it ever end?

I tripped on some uneven flooring, kept on tripping, took out the "fencing" they had placed inside the hole in the floor, tripped some more, and then miraculously - I righted myself. With half the mall staring at me, all I could do was laugh myself silly.

I never thought I would say this, but I blame a burrito. Today I ate at the new Mexican food restaurant, Sharky's in the Westfield food court. The burrito was like eating a gummy tortilla that had been stuffed with garbage disposal waste.

I was sick to my stomach, and busy recovering from an awkward, scent-overkill stop with B and J at The Body Shop when the nearly-tragic event occurred. I was light-headed, nauseous, and vulnerable. I'm really just shocked that I didn't fall flat on my face.

Food: 1/5
Good times: 4/5 (an extra point for laughing so hard that I cried)
Missing my chance at owning Westfield Southcenter: -5

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Lunching with the Enemy

I know it's unusual, and maybe even a bit on the unholy side, but B and I had lunch with the Bird Killer today at Taco Del Mar.

Lunching with the enemy is not usually something I would even consider, however, we did get to ride in his so-called "premium-luxury sports car for young, aggressive males" although, the car was neither premium-luxury (I think that description expires after 10 years, BK), nor was he young and aggressive since he's pushing 40, and it took us 20 minutes to get back from the Southcenter area, which is usually only a 10 minute drive. He also demonstrated how to wrap a baby in the "Mummy Swaddle" using a bottle of hot sauce and a paper napkin, which was both weird and amusing. So at least lunchtime entertainment was different from the usual, and all of this makes for semi-interesting blog writing.

The Taco Queen is still MIA, though we're starting to think she has been dethroned and a new, Evil Taco Queen is standing in her place. All I can say is: you better make certain you understand how to order from their highly-complicated menu - throw her game off, and she won't think twice about shankin' you in the yard.

After lunch, it was off to ceFiore for some fro-yo. The BK was having trouble keeping his pineapple in his cup and ended up spilling most of it on the floor, but I think he was distracted by the strangely posted health benefits of frozen yogurt (see B's blog entry below).

Meanwhile, back at the Compound - an ice cream social was in process: like our fat-tastic staff need a reason to cheat on their "diets." J is convinced that free ice cream is just a soothing technique for impending layoffs… so we'll see.

Tacos: 5/5
Entertainment: 4/5 (minus 1 for weirdness)
The Compound trying to kill its staff: 0/5

Yeast and Yogurt

R and I had a highly memorable lunch today, not only because we visited Taco del Mar (I know, we’re stuck in a rut) for fish tacos, but more so for our lunch guest. New J or as I’ll call him, “the Birdman” joined us and provided significant levels of both entertainment and disbelief. Interesting tidbits:

1) We were driven to lunch in a 10 year old Audi A4 owned by Birdman that is frequently referred to by him as a “premium luxury sports car for young aggressive males”. The ride was not premium, luxury or aggressive—so much so that a colleague diving a 20 year old Mazda Protégé (with no brake lights) smoked us.

2) There’s a new Taco Queen in town, who I believe could win an extreme fighting match (against the men). She’s not messing around, so I highly recommend knowing your order in advance, speaking clearly and moving on to the next station in a quick and orderly fashion. Only make direct eye contact as a last resort.

3) The plates at TDM are apparently defective and do not work right according to the Birdman. What that means, I’m not sure. R, any ideas?

4) After TDM we visited ceFiore for delicious topping-included yogurt. The Birdman proceeded to read out the benefits of yogurt (from a poster on the wall of the shop) including that yogurt protects against yeast infections. Who knew?

So, as you can imagine, lunch was both awkward and entertaining. It’s sort of like watching a make-out scene on TV with your parents. Birdman will be a first time parent next month; I imagine lunches with him will get more bizarre as time goes on.

Fish tacos 4.5/5
ceFiore Yogurt 5/5
Personal hygiene lesson at ceFiore 1/5

Thursday, August 28, 2008

I know what you're looking at B, and Jesus does too

Previously, R asked, "Where have all the hotties gone?", well folks, they're at Blue C at South Center. Not only was the food devilishly delicious, but there were several scrumptious items on display that were not on the menu. B had a smile on his face today from the sesame noodles and the wait staff who served them. Oh, and R was there too.

Food: 5/5 Best Blue C experience to date!
Goodtimes: 5/5
The boys of Blue C: 5/5

Guess Where?

Blue C Sushi - it's just too dang hard to resist, and today - it was the best ever! Every dish was fresh and perfectly seasoned, DeShawnda was our server, and B was falling in love all over the place.

Food: 5/5
Goodtimes: 5/5

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

I don't want to mess up my hair

After two major disappointments today at Taco del Mar, including no Taco Queen and an inoperable credit card machine (are you kidding me, that's like running out of tacos) we ended up at Chipotle. As you know, I love Chipotle and feel that every lunch there is “burrito-ful and fajita-ful”; however, our special lunch guest Power Womon came close to a nervous breakdown due to ordering pressure. No PW, when you order a burrito, you get one burrito, not three –multiples only work with tacos or at Claim Jumpers. As always, there were several fashion disasters including jeans so tight on a Chipotle patron that it made scuba outfits look baggy.

After lunch (and yogurt) we traveled to Party City (I thought the store was going green or was closed by not having the lights on, but apparently they have ultra-tinted store front windows) to purchase baby shower décor for a colleague. R swears she’s never been to a baby shower before, however she has a “sixth sense” that led her right to the baby décor aisle. Secretly, I believe that R could win at “Party City Sweep”. Also, who in the world refuses to wear a tiara when given the chance? Apparently, R-- I guess it’s not Womyn’s World enough.

Food: 5/5 (I love the pinto beans with bacon- although they equate to an extra 40 minutes on the elliptical)
Good Times: 4/5 (I can’t believe I actually went to a store named “Party City”)
Ending the R and B feud: Unknown. Is it really over?

Where have all the hotties gone?

Yesterday we ate at Mali Thai, because it was near Best Buy and J wanted to go there afterward lunch to redeem his birthday money for an ultra-faboo, 35mm digital camera.

The first couple of times we ate at Mali Thai, it was filled with hottie waitresses - but that was a couple of years ago, and now the waitresses are just average. My best guess is that the hotties are off helping to open, and sucker-in more customers at some other Thai restaurant. It's good Thai food, but not nearly as entertaining as it used to be.

The Power WomonToday, B and I put aside our differences and had lunch with Power Womon (J is "working" from home). PW usually only eats small amounts of meat and pineapple, but we talked her into trying a fish taco at Taco Del Mar only to find that TDM's credit card machine was down, none of us had cash and the Taco Queen is still MIA. Note to PW: You escaped fish tacos this time, but eventually you'll try them - and love them.

Afterwards it was off to Party City to pick up baby shower schwag for my cubicle neighbor - the Bird Killer. Highlight: B in a "New Mommy" tiara. Lowlight: having to look for baby shower schwag for the BK - how do I get roped into these things?

Food: 3/5
Entertainment: 3/5 (minus 1 point each for missing hotties, Taco Queen and a credit card machine; plus 1 point for B in a tiara)
Having lunch with the Power Womon: +5

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Open Letter #1: Get Off the Stick!

Dear World,

Unless you are at the Renaissance Festival, or on Survivor, it is not socially appropriate to eat meat directly off a stick. This means you.


Food (Mali Thai) 3/5
Good times 5/5
Birthday Cameras 5/5

Friday, August 22, 2008

The Deadliest of the Seven...Envy

After reading R’s misguided and maniacal attack, I feel I must respond to the TT readership. Yes, I did stray from R and J today, however, based on R’s recent poor attendance record at TT lunch events, I’ve had to take matters in my own hands. Who knew if R would even show up for lunch or if she would be lunching again with her “sister”?

R’s nemesis, B (the one I had lunch with) and I had a delightful and nutritious lunch at Whole Foods in South Lake Union. I appreciated the pleasant weather, superb company and no Tukwila. So while R was stewing with gastronomic jealously, (sorry J) I was enchanted with dining excellence.

So, don’t cry for me, Tummy Tukwila, the truth is I never left you.
Food: 4/5
Good times: 5/5
Dining with someone who actually showed up: 5/5

B, Who?

There is a black mark in today's Tummy Tukwila history... B had lunch with an old nemesis of mine: The Artificial Woman. B is hereby on notice, and must buy me lunch and fro yo with two toppings to make up for it, due by this time next.

Meanwhile, as B was busying himself with traitor activities (complete with plotting to topple my administrative rights to TSquared), J and I ventured out of Tukwila city limits for a Friday lunch at Luna Park Cafe in West Seattle. The food was delicious, as usual and the weather was nicer in WS than in Tukwila, as usual.

We enjoyed a leisurely lunch and somehow managed to get back to the office in less than 90 minutes. West Seattle is not that far from Tukwila, so next time you're looking to change it up, hop on I-5 and take the 12 minute trip to the sunnier, friendlier west-side.

Food: 4/5
Good times: 5/5
Betrayal: 0

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Chicken NOW Is Watching!

Today's lunch led to some divisive spatting between R and B, when R announced she was ditching the TSquared crew in favor of eating lunch with her mysterious "sister." B announced that R's role as TSquared president was on the precipice, and it wouldn't take much more non-joining from her to be pushed over the end into culinary oblivion, forced instead to eat noodles in garlic water at her desk until the end of days. J suspects a struggle for power is in play, and he's staying out of it.

Lunch today consisted of a trip to Westfield Shoppingtown Southcenter (where else?), where both J and B selected Panda Express as their culinary choice? Why, you may ask, dear reader? Because running the cash register was none other than Mui, a long lost favorite of yesteryear, whom J had written off as a casualty of the destruction of the original, hope-I-don't-get-shot-here, Southcenter food court. Mui seemed slightly subdued, as if she had taken a Quaalude before working another shift at her awful, awful job, but B was still beside himself.

The food was fairly unmentionable, but the conversation was scorching, with J putting forth his theory that Chicken NOW was acutally a shadowy government organization, using Granny's secret dippin' sauce as a conduit to feed their mind control drugs to the unwashed masses. B corroborated this theory, adding they served their food in black boxes that appeared possibly to be CIA-issue standard. Fortune smiled on B and J in the form of cookies, with B's fortune prophetizing his winning smile might finally get him a date, and J's suggesting he blame any future work failings on a computer malfunction.

While leaving the mall, J and B were fairly certain that they were followed in a black car by sinister-looking Chicken NOW agents.

Food 2.5/5

Good times 3.5/5

Conspiracy theories 5/5

Run Destello, Run!

Okay, okay... I was gone for a week - I took a tour of Minnesota, Wisconsin and had a day in Chicago with my partner, J (yet another J for you to keep track of) for her cousin's wedding. But here is my report - Tummy Tukwila at large:

Good food in Minnesota, for the most part, is scarce - and at the Mall of America, it's just plain weird. J and I dared ourselves to eat at Bubba Gump, a Forrest Gump theme restaurant, and like the movie, the restaurant gave me indigestion.

deep-fry delightJ is an avid deep-fry fan, but Bubba's actually exhausted her desire for all things deep-fried for something like 3 days (totally unheard of). Our meal consisted mostly of deep-fry: deep-fried fish, deep-fried shrimp, french fries, and some alcohol to wash it down. I ordered these shrimp/fish deep-fried balls and they were tasty in a omg - this is totally clogging my arteries sort of way. J is usually pretty adventurous when it comes to food, but not even she dared to order the "Boat Trash" entree, she went for fish and chips instead.

Wisconsin was mostly a cheese tour for us. We even stopped at some place called "Mars Cheese Castle" where they had oodles of varieties of curd among the different cheeses, and they even had cheese shaped like Wisconsin (see photo).

J's family, who is mostly from the Minnesota-Wisconsin area, is famous for their "Snickers Salad" which actually features Snickers candy bars, but unfortunately, it wasn't on the wedding reception menu - instead, I had some lemon cookie that had potato chips smooshed into it just to give it an "interesting effect" - indeed!

Driving to Chicago from Wisconsin we found places dotted along the highway called "Oasis" where someone had constructed food courts above the highway. It was a pretty amazing find - we were out in the middle of nowhere, low on gas and hungry for Taco Bell, and there it was. Kudos for the inventive use of space, and extra points for atmosphere - eating above rushing traffic is sort of fun.

Chicago was a whirlwind - we only had about 12 hours to tour the city, so a top priority was Chicago deep-dish pizza. We found an interesting place: Gino's East Pizza. The atmosphere was kitschy - surface after surface covered in graffiti from diners of the past, the food was good, but we had an annoying server who tried to kick us out because we had ordered from the take-out counter and not from him. In the end, I won and we ate our pizza at the table and he spent the rest of the time trying to reverse the negative effect his insolence had on his gratuity.

So - back in Tukwila now and I'm about to go get some lunch with my sister who is visiting from Salt Lake City, so sorry B and original J - you have another day of lunch without me.

Food: 2/5
Good times: 5/5

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Phantom Fox on Assignment

B ditched the regular group to have a team celebration lunch at the Cheesecake Factory.

The "new" J from the previous post (see I've Never Heard of a BJ's Before) got married and of course, my preferred way to celebrate anything is with food.......big food. Some memorable moments included: a pear and endive salad with no dressing (no wonder it was only 590 calories), sharing highly effective Supermarket Sweeps techniques (always go for the cheese, olive oil and baby formula and leave the tic-tacs) and learning why B would be a great Olympic diver (it's all about elevating the spring board to it's highest potential).

Will original J, R and B ever have lunch together again? Stay tuned.

Food: 4.5/5 (my sandwich had bacon, an automatic +1.0 bonus)
Good Times: 3.5/5
Thinking about having to wear an Olympic diving swimsuit 1/5

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I've never heard of a BJ's before....

B and J (with another J) branched out to experience another new South Center eatery. Today's extra special event occurred at BJ's (which we think stands for either Barbara Jean or Big & Jumbo). The extra special event was J's birthday celebration…well maybe not.

Our aggressive, chirping bulldozer of a server (she had the word "belly" on her name badge) was disappointed when we refused to order dessert before we had finished even half of our lunch. But, I'm getting ahead of myself. New J ordered shrimp tacos with chipotle mayo (but refused to admit there was any mayo on the taco), old J ordered a hungry man size chicken fried steak and B surprised everyone and ordered chicken fingers (I know, it's very old J like). Gossip and Olympics talk followed.

Overall, the food was average. We did stop at Red Mango afterward, which made everything better, especially with the free honey topping for the yogurt (or so we hear...).

Food: 2/5 (pre-yogurt) 3.5/5 (post-yogurt)
Goodtimes: 3/5 (we miss R)
Not giving your child a middle name: 0/5

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


R and J had a boring lunch today. Or did something else happen that demands their silence??? Interesting.....

Friday, August 8, 2008

Cheeseburger in Southside

The only thing notable about today's south-side adventure was J's double, bacon cheeseburger from Johnny Rockets.

When he dropped it on the table, I'm not kidding, it made a thud.

Bye, Bye Blackbird

There's a lonely blackbird stuck in the Westfield Shopping Towne South Center Food Court. It's pacing back and forth, back and forth looking for escape. R is very sad for the bird.

Hell Hath No Fury

Posting a day late, but J needed some recovery time for this one...

Food always tastes a little better with some spice, but too much of a good thing can cause indigestion. J learned this lesson as he sojourned yet again to Blue C sushi with special guest diner, M. Unfortunately for Blue C, a conveyor belt malfunction caused them to open asbout half an hour late, drawing the ire of a crabby, and apparently ravenously hungry M, whose pointed barbs and passive agressive stance made even the sassy J cringe with embarassment. The poor gay slip of a thing manager was nearly reduced to tears, unable to assuage the fiery wrath of M despite his best attempts.

Of course, by the time we sat down to eat, the sushi was warm and the hot dishes cold. Tempers, however, were still hot, and not even the excellent spicy tuna rolls compared to that heat. J will not be able to show his face there for some time.

J's ratings:

Food 2.5/5
Good times 0/5